5/3/03
Today could be "D-day" for the Lee family.
I've been wrestling with the idea of purchasing a digital camera for about a year now. I keep threatening Deb with this purchase. Each time I tell her that I'm buying a digital camera I watch carefully to see how far her eyes roll back in her head. If I can see the whites of her eyes I know that I should probably avoid carrying through with my threat. This despite the fact that she always says, "Fine. Get the darn thing."
I know better.
This morning I've been hiding down in the basement. I fell asleep down here last night and I've decided it's far too bright above ground for me to survive. Plus there's a "Rocky" marathon on television. I don' care how hokey "Eye of the Tiger" seems now, it makes me want to don white knee socks and do wind sprints in the backyard. I also feel like hitting things but there's nothing handy down here except the futon cushion and that's entirely unsatisfactory. I pray the cat doesn't come down here.
So I'm trying to think of things that will lure me out of my cave. The only thing I could come up with was a trip into town to buy a new digital camera.
Deb and Alex come downstairs every now and again to check if there's actually something down here of interest. Alex said, "It's too dark down here." I informed her that she had the rest of the entire house to find sufficient lighting. The basement was going to remain dim for at least a little while longer. I was pleased with how I stood my ground as far as lighting was concerned so I decided I should test the digital camera waters with Debbie.
"We're going to town this afternoon and buying a digital camera."
"Fine."
"You remember you protested when we bought the new 35mm camera after Allie was born. Then later on you admitted that you were glad that we had a good camera. This is the exact same situation. We'll get a lot of use out of this thing."
"I said fine."
"Yeah, but."
"I said fine."
"Hmmm."
I'm looking for an argument. You see, I'm not getting along very well with Debbie these days. Of course it's not entirely her fault. I'm very edgy. Normally I'd chalk it up to my unstable, temperamental personality but I have other things that are convenient scapegoats. Disappointing events at work and thoughts of the new baby being just weeks away from making his/her appearance are nibbling at my peace of mind. Spending money on something we don't need rather than socking it away feels like I'm dancing on the edge of something very high. This purchase will cause the collapse of our family. My wife and children will be denied because I wasn't frugal. I can't convince myself that I shouldn't feel guilty about spending the money on a digital camera. Particularly when we need a new car and I just bought two new pairs of dress pants and we need to paint the bedrooms upstairs and the kitchen needs tile plus the railing on the front porch needs replacing along with the outside light fixtures and the paint on the trim plus we are no longer escrowing property tax and we just spent a crap load of money on new bookcases last weekend and YOU KNOW I could lose my job at any moment you know...
I'm talking myself out of the camera.
Of course, if we're going to invest in a digital camera, we may as well just go ahead and buy a mini DV camcorder that will capture still images.
It just makes sense.
I'll let you know what happens. In the meantime Judy called to tell me she liked what I wrote about Martha's journals yesterday.
That meant a lot to me.
I'd better go bathe so I look presentable for the electronics salesperson.